Queen of Beating the Dead Horse

I am the Queen when it comes to beating a dead horse- especially when it comes to relationships. You can ignore me, my wishes, my wants and needs- doesn't matter- I'll still look at the decaying carcass that was once our relationship and think, 'we can bring it back, it's not that bad. It ain't dead yet' even when that mother fucker is waving back at you from the after-life.

I do this with my girl-friends and my boyfriends- what the fuck is the matter with me?

I am, by definition, energy deficient, and I just keep putting my energy into people who don't recepricate. Every time I make a stand for myself I can think of ten reasons to give another chance. Then another. And finally another, until my plan works or I'm so emotionally drained I become apathetic. Of course the apathy usually only comes after about five years of trying to make it work and failing. In some cases closer to eight years and longer.

I know I deserve to have people in my life who appreciate and support me, but only a small small fraction of the people in my life actually do. I've been actively working on this since my ex, and right now it is really being put to the test.

I can't get that SNL skit out of my head now:




Dammit.

Fibro Journal

Since being diagnosed with Fibromialgia I've done a lot of reading, research, and talking with my Dr.. Now, I am not the kind of girl who is good at taking pills every day let alone the kind of girl who has it in her to keep a medical journal, but with my symptoms persisting, more frequent flare-ups, and after 10 years of chronic pain and nausea- I've started a Fibro-Journal. Well, I've started taking better notes about what symptoms I feel and when in the day I feel them, and I have a few other cut outs and notes I want to consolodate in there as well. Different meds I've heard of, notes on research I find interesting- things like that.

I want to try and be more proactive about my health- expecially as it seems to be getting worse.

Has anyone out there ever kept a medical diary of any kind? Any pointers?