I am the Queen when it comes to beating a dead horse- especially when it comes to relationships. You can ignore me, my wishes, my wants and needs- doesn't matter- I'll still look at the decaying carcass that was once our relationship and think, 'we can bring it back, it's not that bad. It ain't dead yet' even when that mother fucker is waving back at you from the after-life.
I do this with my girl-friends and my boyfriends- what the fuck is the matter with me?
I am, by definition, energy deficient, and I just keep putting my energy into people who don't recepricate. Every time I make a stand for myself I can think of ten reasons to give another chance. Then another. And finally another, until my plan works or I'm so emotionally drained I become apathetic. Of course the apathy usually only comes after about five years of trying to make it work and failing. In some cases closer to eight years and longer.
I know I deserve to have people in my life who appreciate and support me, but only a small small fraction of the people in my life actually do. I've been actively working on this since my ex, and right now it is really being put to the test.
I can't get that SNL skit out of my head now:
Dammit.
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