To Puke or not to Puke

I've been debating with myself for about an hour now whether or not I should puke
(I'm at work by the way, and pissed because I thought the days of being so sick I had to puke were behind me, guess I was wrong), and puking has won. Again.

Constant nausea is a bitch, let me tell you :(

Hilarity from Hoag Hospital

So today I went in for x-rays, and I just find the hilarity in everyday life, and I thought I'd share it with you today. Enjoy!

When I was "checking in" with the "receptionist" who was taking all my information she asked me if I had been here before. I responded with, "Yup, I'm in medical offices so much I should be dating a doctor by now." Her response: "Well honey, there's still a chance."

Bahahahahahahahahaha!!! That was probably my favorite.

While in the waiting room I once again felt the need to stress the fact that I feel our Health Care system should work just like frequent flyer miles, the more you use it the more you get for free. Like, two office visits gets you free blood work or something. I need more perks in my health care FOR SURE!

When the unsuspecting young asian radiologist took me back he said, "Okay Miss Wallace I need you to remove your pants and your bra." I'm telling you, his face when I said, "Yeah, I've heard that before" was PRICELESS. hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha

Sometimes I say or do things just to watch it happen. Not gonna lie. And that was just one of those times you can't pass up.

He also got VERY flustered when he lost his marker in my horrible loaner x-ray pants, which was hi-larious. Keeping a straight face was difficult to say the least. Poor kid.

He also apologized when I had to stay in a position that aggravated my pain, and really, "It's okay, that's why I'm here." No really, he was worried, but honey, that is why I'm getting the x-ray in the first place, stop flustering and push the "go" button and get on with it. I can take the pain. It's fine, promise.

Also, the idiot doctor from my last post may have ordered me an s1 x-ray rather than an si x-ray. IDIOT!!!!!!!

FUCK our "Health Care" System!

Here is today's example of how awful our "Health Care" System and Health Care "Professionals" are. Enjoy:

I was unable to pick up my new patient paperwork before going to see the Doctor today, so as instructed, I arrived early to fill out the paperwork- which I did- which the doctor didn't even really look at- but I'm getting ahead of myself.

My appointment was at 4pm, at 4:23 I was still waiting to be seen.

I was taken to the back and weighed and had my temperature and blood pressure taken at 4:40pm. I did not see the Nurse record the results.

Two and a half (long) Newsweek articles later the Doctor shows up and did nothing to instill confidence in his abilities. He stammered, did not make eye contact, and didn't really do much at all except order more labs and x-rays. Oh! He also didn't give me the information on the pain medication he said he would give me.

When he gave me my prescriptions for my x-rays he told me: since they are doing x-rays of my lower back and my uterus would be exposed to radiation, that he ordered me a pregnancy test and that I should wait for the results before getting my x-rays.

FUCK YOU DOCTOR! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE????

He did not ask me if I had a boyfriend, if I was seeing anyone, if I was sexually active at the moment, or if I was a dirty irresponsible whore who needed a pregnancy test. Not one personal question! Only assumptions!

Needless to say I was OFFENDED! SO FUCKINIG OFFENDED! I haven't had sex in awhile, I'm not pregnant, I'm not slutty, and before you order something like a pregnancy test for someone, you should probably ASK FIRST. ESPECIALLY if I have to pay for it! If he had started with, "we will be taking an x-ray of your lower back which will expose your uterus to radiation, would you like me to order you a pregnancy test before you have the x-ray just to make sure" I would have had a COMPLETELY different reaction towards the whole thing. But to just ASSUME that I needed a pregnancy test? And this is after I left work early only be left waiting in a waiting area with three screaming boys under 7 for an hour, not to mention the $40 co-pay that I had to dish out for the privilege.

THIS is what our health care system is. Ineffective, presumptuous, offensive, and not focused on the patient, their needs, their schedules, or their charts. I think he GLANCED at my chart, and I'm telling you, with me, you need to do more than GLANCE. My family's medical history alone needs explanation and he asked me NOTHING. Oh sure, he asked if it hurt when he applied pressure to certain places, but I've been to A LOT of doctors, I know that good from the bad, and seriously, he was bad.

I tried to call the Doctor's office when I got home to complain about the pregnancy test assumption, but they don't even have an answering machine service to take calls after hours.

Also, I intend to know WHY I need to pay a co-pay when I'm left waiting for that long. There weren't a lot of other patients, it was like a tomb in there.

I run an office, I can't just take time off work all the time to go see these damn doctors! They do not offer flexible hours, no late appointments or Saturdays offered, and they aren't even prompt in keeping their appointment schedules, and yet you have to pay a co payment to miss work for the privilege? How do they think we afford to go see them? BY WORKING! You would think that they would realize that and either make the hours flexible or waive the co payment when you have to wait to be seen for more than 30 minutes.

RIDICULOUS! OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM IS RIDICULOUS!!!!!!

REFORM REFORM REFORM!!!!!

Under My Skin

I miss my ex, I miss him all the time. Now let me be clear, I don't miss our romantic relationship, he was a horrible boyfriend; but he was my best friend, and he was a WONDERFUL best friend, and that is the man I miss.

In one month and three days it will be one year since I left him, and I keep thinking about him. I can't get him out of my head, he's under my skin, in my soul and he won't go away.

Slash and Adam Levine wrote a song that epitomizes my life right now, it's called "Gotten" and it's off of slash's new solo album (that I'm borderline obsessed with) enjoy:

So nice to see your face again
Tell me how long has it been
Since you’ve been here
(since you’ve been here)
You look so different than before
You’re still the person I adore
Frozen with fear
All out of love but I take it from the past
All out of words cause I’m sure it’ll never last

I’ve been saving these last words for one last miracle
But now I’m not sure
I can’t save you if you don’t let me
You just get me like I’ve never been gotten before

Maybe it’s a bitter wind
That chilled from the pacific rim
That brought you this way
(brought you my way)
Do not make me think of him
The way he touched your fragile skin
That haunts me every day
I’m out of love but I can’t forget the past
I’m out of words but I’m sure it’ll never last

I’ve been saving these last words for one last miracle
But now I’m not sure
I can’t save you if you don’t let me
You just get me like I’ve never been gotten before
Like I’ve never been gotten before

[Slash Solo]

So nice to see your face again
But tell me will this ever end
Don’t disappear

I’ve been saving these last words for one last miracle
But now I’m not sure
And I can’t save you if you don’t let me
You just get me like I’ve never been gotten before
Like I’ve never been gotten before

I'd highly suggest taking a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAsVg7pIQtk&feature=player_embedded

If I bitch-slap America do you think we'll get our mojo back?

Our country is in a dire state. Our education system is crap, we are ranked the 8th country in world with college completion rates, education is always the first budget cut, teachers have over-crowded classrooms and not enough supplies to go around in addition to the fact that they don't get paid enough and their salaries are being cut (when they aren't getting pink slipped)- WHY ARE WE CONTINUING TO LET THIS HAPPEN? This means that the uneducated will inherit the earth- WHY AREN'T WE TERRIFIED?

Our health care system isn't actually a health care system, it should be called a disease management system. We aren't encouraging health, we are simply throwing pills at the problems presented by patients. IF we can get an appointment to see a doctor (I called two neurologists today as I need to be tested for a fairly serious disease and I was told by one doctor the earliest I could be seen was February 10th, the other told me February 15th- that is in almost two months, and in the mean time I'm suffering with no choice but to wait or look for another doctor in my network and hope they have more open availabilities in their schedules)they have the audacity to charge you up the wa-zoo (even assuming you have insurance and even then most people can't afford the premiums, the co pays, much less the bills that come AFTER all that nonsense). WHY AREN'T WE FIGHTING HARDER FOR CHANGE? I know that "health reform is on the way" but really, this health reform bill is absolute CRAP, even the Supreme Court is wondering if it's constitutionally sound. We need AFFORDABLE ACCESSIBLE health care. We need to be able to say, "yes I would like to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance" rather than screaming at them not to take you because you know you can't afford it. We are more afraid of debt than illness- what does that say about our current health care system? When you can't afford to go to the doctor when you are ill, how can you ever hope to be truly HEALTHY? How can you live a healthy lifestyle when you don't have access to the best way for you to do that? HOW DID WE LET THIS DECLINE HAPPEN? WHY IS THIS PROBLEM STILL NOT BEING PUSHED? WE NEED SEVERAL ALTERNATIVES RATHER THAN ONE HASTILY MADE OPTION (THAT MAY NOT BE CONSTITUTIONAL)!

Our Senate and House spend more time filibustering bills than passing them. And the bills that are passed are superfluous and do not take into account what Americans need: jobs, food, better pay, a decent home, better education, more accessible health care, a decline in the deficit, our soldiers to get a longer break between deployments (whether or not they should be deployed at all is a side issue I won't go into here), and an overall satisfaction of life in America. I don't care about laws being passed that don't allow me to talk on the phone while driving, I care about the fact that families can't afford to feed their families. I care about crime. I care about the fact that teachers are getting laid off and class sizes are increasing. I care about the fact that people have had to chose between Christmas presents and bills. DOES CONGRESS NOT CARE? WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO SOLVE THESE ISSUES?

When was the last time you though America was living up to it's potential? when was the last time you looked around and said, "Yup, this is the best we can do." Granted, we have so much more than so many in this world, but have the capacity to do better, to be better, to live better- and yet, we aren't.

WHY????

Perhaps I need to bitch-slap America and tell it to get back in the game.

Maybe we all need to take a step back and remember the words of President John F. Kennedy, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." There is an awful lot of "me" in this world and we need to start looking at "we." We are one people, we are all governed by the same government, and yet we are only concerned for ourselves.

Personally, I think we all need to get our heads out of our asses and DO SOMETHING to make this country better. I've written several letters to congress and none have been returned. What's the next step? Standing on street corners rallying for a better tomorrow today? Our problems are large, and will not be solved quickly, but the complete ignorance and apathy that this country is showing for it's own problems is ASTOUNDING to me.

If you want things to get better, you have to help make them better.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR YOUR UNION TODAY? Soldiers have laid down their lives for you to live a life that you chose to live. People have fought and died for voting rights, have you voted recently? Have you informed your House Representative and Congressperson of what issues they need to be pushing for you? THIS IS A GOVERNMENT RUN BY THE PEOPLE FOR THE PEOPLE- START RUNNING IT!!!

Information on The House of Representatives (and how to find yours as well as write to them is on the top left): http://www.house.gov/

write to congress!: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/dbq/officials/?&lvl=L

Write everyone who represents you!: http://www.usa.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD PEOPLE!

Something about the Wail of a Guitar just Calms me Down

I don't know what it is, but something about the wail of the guitar just calms me down. For some reason that blasting scream just allows me to harness my chi; the sound of the electric guitar speaks to me like nothing else in this world. It perks me up, it calms me down, it settles into my soul and I feel the release of tension as I allow the music to roll through me.

Funnily enough, I have been like this for as long as I can remember. My Dad is a Stones man and I was raised on Rock 'n' Roll, I'm also very musically inclined, so I guess I never really thought about it until my supervisor said to me one day as I was blasting 'My Michelle' (in my corporate office for all to hear- oh yeah, I'm that girl), "I don't know why but you always seem so calm when you're listening to Guns and Roses." Then she promptly began to shake her head in confusion. Now, I lauged at this and didn't really think anything of it other than to agree silently and smile, but another comment made a few days later caused me to pause.

This particular comment came from my dance manager (I'm a burlesque dancer), the last couple of solos that I have done have been to the following songs:
-Beautiful Dangerous by Fergie and Slash
-Back to Cali by Slash and Myles Kennedy
Both of those solos were very 'dancy,' and my dance experience was very apparent. So when it came time to think of a new solo I had so many ideas I almost died. When I decided to do an old fashioned burlesque strip tease to 'D'yer Maker' by Led Zeppelin, she loved it! And while the song choice is still very rock 'n' roll and very true to me, I've changed the expectations from very defined choreographic choices to free flowing body movement and pure sensuality, and my dance manager couldn't be happier. When I told her what I had finally decided on this idea (mind you I've been texting her dance/song/choreography ideas for about two weeks by this time) her response was "perfect!" And when she saw me perform it for the first time her exact response to my question of, "So did you like it?" was, "It was perfect! You're too pretty to just be the bad ass rock chick all the time."

Now I laughed at that for a long time, especially since most people find my rediculous love for hard rock hard to understand, but now I realize that it isn't necessarily the genre that moves me. I've always been very ecclectic in my music tasted, in addition to my first love (rock 'n' roll) I'm also very into jazz, blues, show tunes, dance music, you name it, if it is well done I'm in! But even in jazz and blues and show tunes, there is a guitar, and when you plug that baby in and let it sing I fall in love <3

So here's to you electic guitar players (especially Slash, he's so FREAKING TALENTED!!): thank you for the music!
xoxo Heifer Walrus

Apparenlty the universe doesn't want me to get laid- I call bullshit

So, I've been trying to do this thing called 'dating' (not exclusively, PS, more like, dating around) but everyone that I've had a few good times with apparently wants to be in a relationship: guh. Personally, I have no interest in having a relationship right now because I am emotionally exhausted from my last relationship and just want to have fun; and even though I make that clear to the people I go out with, they apparently want more than just good times, and then I have to say out loud that I don't want a relationship and that makes me feel like a complete asshole. Awesome. Gotta love that.

Anyway, I've also attempted to have mindless casual sex (to avoid the awkward situation outlined above), but apparently I'm HORRIBLE at it because I've not been able to have any. Guh. I've tried to, but people are either busy or too far, or too drunk to drive, or by the time push comes to shove I say,"to hell with it" and just go to sleep because it is just too much of a hassle. But the fact still remains that I'm not getting laid and for no reason that I can think of. Aren't men supposed to love the whole 'no strings attached' thing? Apparently the universe doesn't want me to have any 'no strings attached' relationships and I freaking call BULLSHIT because I can't be bothered to give a shit about anyone new right now. Sorry, but I can't, I've got enough of my own shit going on.

How true is all this? One of my best girlfriends and I went to go see the movie Burlesque (go see it, then go see my burlesque shows!!) and one of the previews had a scene where a girl just wants to have sex and the guy wants a relationship and she screams, "Why can't we just have sex!" at him, and my girlfriend busted up and said, "Oh my god it's your life!" So, yes, it's true, women have lost their emotions due to years of male abuse and emotional struggle and men now realize the advantages of being good to one woman at a time. What the hell? I don't want a man for Christmas I want sex for Christmas! Can we get it together here people! Jeez!